Sex is Learned

I remember a joke from my childhood about a frum couple that was completely inexperienced sexually. The wedding night, both bride and groom were told to call their mothers to help talk them through it. I don't remember the exact details, but the groom's mother said to put the hardest part of his body where she pees and the bride calls her mother, crying that her husband put his head in the toilet.

While I didn't convey it well here, the story serves us well. Sex has to be learned. Granted, in many ways sex is innate, but if left completely to men, one might say it would likely be more akin to rape. Wham, bam and roll over and go to sleep. Similarly, some might say that, if left to some women, it would be all romance and preparation.

That's silly. Everyone is different and the most important part of sexual exploration is discovering what kind of a sexual being your partner is and what kind of a partner he or she wants. I know some women who "think like men" and some men who love to spend time romancing their wives, almost neglecting the actual sexual gratification.

The point is, spend a lot of time talking about sex with your spouse.

Women, ask him if he enjoyed it when you stroked him. Encourage him to teach you how to do it better. Maybe ask to watch him masturbate so you see how he likes his penis handled. If you've gone down on him, ask for feedback.

Men, be mindful of your wives and how they react to various types of touch. Ask her if you performed well orally and if she prefers penetration or licking.

Don't be shy. The privacy of your bedroom is exactly the place to shed inhibition and explore without fear of shame or ridicule.

I feel better already!