Making time to "make it"

Just saw a post by my new friend Shuli. She's 100% correct. You MUST make time for sex, no matter what.

The dishes and laundry aren't going anywhere!

Side hugging

This is great. I never thought of non-Jews who might be shomer negiah.

Thanks to MyJewishLearning for enlightening us about Christian "side hugs."

Christian Side Hug from The Fathers House on Vimeo.

Sex before marriage

I just saw this question.

On one foot, I'd say premarital sex is a good thing, even in the frum community. This is, of course, only assuming both parties are being responsible about it, are willing participants and using condoms (at least).

Here's one reason. I just read about a young man who apparently committed suicide the day after he got married. The man had issues stemming from sexual abuse as a teenager. While it's not reported, I'd have to guess he couldn't touch her on their wedding night, which lead to all kinds of problems. Perhaps - maybe - had they engaged in some physical contact prior to the wedding, they would have been able to talk it out.

Not exactly married sex...

But I think this worth some commentary.

It seems an over-sexed freshman girl at the Frisch School in Paramus, NJ, pleasured more than one boy with blowjobs. Now, teens engaging in oral sex is not unusual. In many ways, it's expected, especially among the "orthodox" who have it drilled into them that premarital sex is forbidden, that teens will engage in oral sex. (I did and, frankly, I enjoyed pleasing my boyfriend that way...) However, what our heroin did was go down on guys in the school, in the stairwell where there were security cameras.

I haven't seen the images, but I'm sure if I tried a bit harder I could find them.

For those of you who don't know, Frisch is a leading school, both in terms of academics and within the Jewish community. It is a forward-thinking establishment whose graduates go on to prestigious academic institutions.

It seems the school's response has been minimal. The principal talked to all the students about teenagers having "urges" and the need to control them. However, I wonder what the real impact will be on these kids when they grow up and decide it's time to get married.

If you look back at past postings, you'll see that I often rail against the lack of sex ed for orthodox kids who are about to get married. Have no clue what they're getting into emotionally and sexually. Here, clearly, is one girl who lacks no sex ed. Granted, self-esteem and self-worth are a bit low. (I don't for a second buy the argument that she gave head to these boys because she really wanted to. She either (1) is rebelling against her parents or (2) desperately wants to be cool.)

Seems to me the faculty at Frisch ought to spend some time on teaching kids what it means to honor oneself. Look, engaging in oral sex can be lots of fun for the teen set. What I'm opposed to is girls debasing themselves and blowing multiple guys - in publis - and perhaps in succession!

My prediction for Blowjob Girl is: she will be hugely popular until she swallows the wrong guy's load.

Read this. Now.

I was so happy to see this, I almost cried.

Dining together...it might lead to mixed dancing!

A friend of mine lives in Israel. She likes to host kids who are visiting for Shabbos meals. So, she registered with Anywhere in Israel, a great organization that finds Shabbos hospitality for kids in various areas of the country.

She got a call yesterday from the organizer looking for a place for lunch for two seminary girls. All was cool, until the organizer learned that a yeshiva boy was spending Shabbos at my friend's. Apparently, it's discouraged to have seminary girls and yeshiva boys eating together at a Shabbos table, even with plenty of other people around.

Now, is it just me, or is this the most insane thing you've ever heard? Where ELSE should nice Jewish boys and girls meet and interact and practice social skills, if not in an observant Jewish home on Shabbos?

No, better they should sneak around in the parks and elsewhere at night.

Why so many divorces?

Close friends of mine are getting divorced. Another couple with whom we are close ought to, as well. I've also just learned of other divorces coming down the pike in our community, and friends in other communities are telling me of laundry lists of couples on the verge of breakup.

And, these aren't all 20-somethings who got married because they were horny. These are couples with kids. Couples who are "leaders" in their communities. Some have been honored by shuls, schools and other organizations.

What's the common denominator? As far as I can tell, it's all about sex. In every instance I know of, it's either a cheating spouse, two cheating spouses, or sexless marriages.

If you don't agree with me that there's a problem in the frum community, you need to get your head out of your butt.

What can we do about it?

As I've said before, it's about education. I think the frum establishment is doing a horrific job of teaching young adults about sex. Part and parcel of every pre-marriage class ought to be a detailed discussion about what makes for a fulfilling, sexual relationship - and I don't mean Talmudic platitudes of a woman's beauty being hidden, when not to touch, and how to properly avoid being sexual in any way. Here are some proposed topics of discussion:

- Body parts - proper names and why it's OK to say them.
- Sex in Jewish history - Some of our greatest leaders were major horn-dogs.
- Sex goes into the closet - The Victorian influence on Jewish sexuality today.
- The female orgasm - Priority, not afterthought.
- Spilling seed - A review of all opinions.
- Mutual obligations of husbands and wives.
- Men: Foreplay begins in the morning.
- Women: Just because he cums, it doesn't mean you've rocked his world.

These are just some topics that come to mind.

Think of how many marriages would be better off if husbands and wives were on the same page...