Saturday, January 2, 2010

My friends' marriages are falling apart

I wish they would read this blog!

I don't know for sure what's going on, but so many of my friends and neighbors all seem to be getting divorced now. And if they aren't, they should be, because they're so miserable.

"Common knowledge" is that men are the cause for most troubled marriages. (See Boteach's book on "Kosher Affairs.") I couldn't disagree more! I think that in most cases, it's 50-50. Women need to put out more and men need to be more understanding. When my husband wants sex, but I don't, he'll sometimes ask for "2 minutes." That means he gets two minutes to get me in the mood. Usually he'll go down on me or otherwise stimulate me and - wouldn't you know it? - it usually works. Sometimes, he's sneaky and offers me a massage, which usually leads to him fingering me and, even if we don't have intercourse, we each have at least one orgasm. :)

Now, not all marriage problems are caused by sex, but I firmly believe that if sex is addressed, mostly everything else falls into place. When sexual needs are being met (on BOTH sides) you can feel more like a team because you both know that, at the end of the day, you are "there" for each other.


  1. I think the 2 minutes thing is a good plan. Love it!

  2. Do you want to explain cunnilingus according to halacha? I thought it was assur. I'd appreciate a serious reponse, please.

  3. I am not a rabbi, but this may help:

    Happy reading!

  4. While the link you posted is interesting, it does not seen to definitively answer the question of cunnilingus according to halacha. I'm all for leniencies where possible, but I'm just as confused as I was before I read the post.

  5. Read the link, but am still confused. While I'm all for leniency when it comes to sex, I don't want to be hypocritcal to my standards. I want to follow the basic halacha while not looking for extra stringencies(I learnt a long time ago that in matters of sex we should NOT look for more chumras)So what to do regarding cunnilingus? Is it a basic rule that some people ignore? or a chumra that is being taught as if it's actual halacha?

  6. I wish I could offer more. Again, I'm no Madricha Ruchani...

    In all seriousness, do you have a rabbi to ask? If not, you may want to reach out to Sara Hurwitz at the Hebrew Institute of Riverdale. She doesn't offer rulings, but I know she can answer your questions from a halachic AND competent perspective.