My friends' marriages are falling apart

I wish they would read this blog!

I don't know for sure what's going on, but so many of my friends and neighbors all seem to be getting divorced now. And if they aren't, they should be, because they're so miserable.

"Common knowledge" is that men are the cause for most troubled marriages. (See Boteach's book on "Kosher Affairs.") I couldn't disagree more! I think that in most cases, it's 50-50. Women need to put out more and men need to be more understanding. When my husband wants sex, but I don't, he'll sometimes ask for "2 minutes." That means he gets two minutes to get me in the mood. Usually he'll go down on me or otherwise stimulate me and - wouldn't you know it? - it usually works. Sometimes, he's sneaky and offers me a massage, which usually leads to him fingering me and, even if we don't have intercourse, we each have at least one orgasm. :)

Now, not all marriage problems are caused by sex, but I firmly believe that if sex is addressed, mostly everything else falls into place. When sexual needs are being met (on BOTH sides) you can feel more like a team because you both know that, at the end of the day, you are "there" for each other.

Sex with the Rabbi

Rabbi Haskel Lookstein ought to be praised by every Jewish leader. He is doing what just about everyone else fails to do: he addresses sex-ed head-on, with exactly the people who need to hear it.

Recently profiled in The New York Times, Lookstein, who is the head of the Ramaz school, teaches an 18-class course of sex-ed to high school sophomores.

I'm curious to know how these kids do later on in life, in terms of marriage stability.

Making time to "make it"

Just saw a post by my new friend Shuli. She's 100% correct. You MUST make time for sex, no matter what.

The dishes and laundry aren't going anywhere!

Side hugging

This is great. I never thought of non-Jews who might be shomer negiah.

Thanks to MyJewishLearning for enlightening us about Christian "side hugs."

Christian Side Hug from The Fathers House on Vimeo.

Sex before marriage

I just saw this question.

On one foot, I'd say premarital sex is a good thing, even in the frum community. This is, of course, only assuming both parties are being responsible about it, are willing participants and using condoms (at least).

Here's one reason. I just read about a young man who apparently committed suicide the day after he got married. The man had issues stemming from sexual abuse as a teenager. While it's not reported, I'd have to guess he couldn't touch her on their wedding night, which lead to all kinds of problems. Perhaps - maybe - had they engaged in some physical contact prior to the wedding, they would have been able to talk it out.

Not exactly married sex...

But I think this worth some commentary.

It seems an over-sexed freshman girl at the Frisch School in Paramus, NJ, pleasured more than one boy with blowjobs. Now, teens engaging in oral sex is not unusual. In many ways, it's expected, especially among the "orthodox" who have it drilled into them that premarital sex is forbidden, that teens will engage in oral sex. (I did and, frankly, I enjoyed pleasing my boyfriend that way...) However, what our heroin did was go down on guys in the school, in the stairwell where there were security cameras.

I haven't seen the images, but I'm sure if I tried a bit harder I could find them.

For those of you who don't know, Frisch is a leading school, both in terms of academics and within the Jewish community. It is a forward-thinking establishment whose graduates go on to prestigious academic institutions.

It seems the school's response has been minimal. The principal talked to all the students about teenagers having "urges" and the need to control them. However, I wonder what the real impact will be on these kids when they grow up and decide it's time to get married.

If you look back at past postings, you'll see that I often rail against the lack of sex ed for orthodox kids who are about to get married. Have no clue what they're getting into emotionally and sexually. Here, clearly, is one girl who lacks no sex ed. Granted, self-esteem and self-worth are a bit low. (I don't for a second buy the argument that she gave head to these boys because she really wanted to. She either (1) is rebelling against her parents or (2) desperately wants to be cool.)

Seems to me the faculty at Frisch ought to spend some time on teaching kids what it means to honor oneself. Look, engaging in oral sex can be lots of fun for the teen set. What I'm opposed to is girls debasing themselves and blowing multiple guys - in publis - and perhaps in succession!

My prediction for Blowjob Girl is: she will be hugely popular until she swallows the wrong guy's load.

Read this. Now.

I was so happy to see this, I almost cried.